I have never been fat and I have never been what you call skinny either. I think that the correct terminolgoy to describe me would be “stocky” or “athletic”. Despite being an athlete and pretty fit for a large majority of my life my weight has always been a focus for me even from a young age. My goal to lose ten pounds has been on my new year’s resolution since I graduated college (always the same 10lbs). Part of this focus is because of the sport I chose to do as a child and the other is due to what society deems to be beautiful. The focus of society and my inability to find a great fitting pair of jeans is what caused me to loathe my muscular thighs throughout most of my life.
My focus on weight started early. Being a competitive gymnast wearing nothing but a leotard, how you look is often impressed upon as how strong you are. This unfortunately is the focus of many sports for example ice skating, ballet, and so forth. Some of this focus of physical looks is probably a reflection of societal values as to what is considered “beautiful and fit”
I remember at 10 years old my coach at the time basically telling me to lose a couple of pounds. Wanting to be a great gymnast I took this very seriously and focused on my diet. In high school the gym I went to weighed and calculated your body fat percentage on a regular basis. Despite being less then 10% body fat I was always “1 lb” over my “desired” weight. This infuriated me!! I used to work out on my off days from gymnastics which wasn’t more then two days a week since I was practicing five days a week for about four and a half hours each practice. Despite what I did with my diet and exercise I was always 1 lb over my “desired” weight according to whoever it was doing the measure.
This focus on food and looking a certain way carried on into adulthood to the point where I felt a little bit guilty each time I ate a tasty treat. Of course that didnt stop me from eating tasty treats. I have never had an eating disorder. In the past I just put too much focus on how I thought I should look and how much I should eat which I unfortunately think is an issue for many women and men. People internalize looking a certain way with a better life….happiness…etc…. As an adult after college I played with many diets and exercise routines. I tried to do a lot of cardio to “slenderize” my bulky muscle but I hate straight cardio!! Did I say I hate “just cardio” well I do a lot!! It was like a game to try to get myself to go to the gym. Because I didn’t like what I was doing so I often didn’t go. I also tried many diets to loose weight to no avail. The one that I stuck with the longest was “myfittnesspal” where you enter everything you eat and total up your calories for the day. The program had me on 1500 calories a day which I stuck to pretty often. Not only did I not lose more then a pound or too but I was always hungry, often lightheaded and always thinking about FOOD.
All of this changed though when i started the Whole30 and CrossFit. On the whole30 you are not supposed to weigh yourself but I did. I just wanted to see how I was doing…..but what I realized after the whole30 is how good the right foods make me feel. I don’t eat Paleo because I have to or because I am trying to loose weight but because I want to!! I feel better physically. I no longer feel guilty when I eat a treat because I know that 90% of the time what is going into my body is 100% good for me. I also do not crave the treats as much any more because I like what I am eating and it is satisfying…thank you FAT!!! I actually do not even weigh myself anymore nor do I have a desire to. This is a big accomplishment for someone that weighed themselves at least once a day. Between doing CrossFit and eating Paleo I know that I am doing right by my body and that is enough for me.
What I love about CrossFit is that when you walk into the gym you see women with butts, boobs and thighs!!! They have curves, they look like women and they are strong as hell. CrossFit has helped me to learn to focus on not going to workout to look a certain way but to become stronger, have fun and reach goals. My focus is no longer to to lose five pounds but to be able to strict press a 100lbs or be able to do a muscle up. I no longer loathe my muscular thighs but feel lucky to have them because that is what makes me strong on those olympic lifts.
Thanks to CrossFit and Paleo I am the most fit and happiest I have been in years and free of the nagging new year’s resolution to lose 10lbs
LOVE THESE PICS!!